Good Day/Bad Day

Wednesday’s Top Ten
from a mom’s point-of-view

1. I started my day playing castle with Lila. The Linney was queen, Tuck was king and Ming Ming was princess (all the Wonder Pets). Pirate Mickey stopped by for lunch. They had corn and grapes.
2. Went to Michaels and Hobby Lobby with both girls. Bad idea.
3. The cart was almost too small to hold Ava’s car seat and definitely to fit the car seat, the diaper bag, our coats, what we were buying AND Lila. But she insisted and somehow Supermom came out and I made it work. Let’s just say you couldn’t tell Lila was in there.
4. Michaels aisles were NOT made for carts, let alone carts with baby car seats and toddlers.
5. I did not find one thing on my list that I went to get between both stores. However, I did find some cute decorations for Lila’s birthday party in January…all reusable!
6. I hung our Christmas lights outside. The fresh air did wonders after my not-so-wonderful shopping trip. Lila put on 2 different hats and mismatching gloves, pjs, and rain boots and sat out to watch.
7. I received a package. A HUGE bag of meal worms for our lovely bluebirds. I put some out and they were here instantly. Love it. Tip: ordering in bulk online is way more cost-effective than buying a little bag from the local bird store.
8. Ava was in the best mood I had seen her in. She was smiley, giggly, cuddly and so adorable. I couldn’t stop kissing those squishy cheeks.
9. Lila and I butted heads. She was put in quiet time for the first time. She didn’t understand it. I told her she had to sit on the steps quietly until she calmed down and that she wasn’t listening to what I was saying. She told me she didn’t have to.
10. I put myself in a time out to calm down.

Stuck in a Rut

Hi there, yes, I have been MIA for the last few weeks. I don’t even have some grand excuse. I could tell you I’ve been super busy, out-of-town or aliens abducted me, but I’d be lying. Although I’ve had family here 2 of the last 4 weekends. That’s something right? It’s because I’ve been in a little rut. The other day it hit me, I have not done one single thing for myself in the last few weeks. I haven’t blogged, caught up on most emails, read a magazine or do my yoga routine I want to start again. I get up and the girls own me until they go to bed and then it’s time with my husband. The World Series in on right now and he’s a die-hard Cardinals fan and I am a, well, Cubs fan. So, Go Rangers! Which is why I am able to sit down now to say hi to you all.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I’m learning to balance this new life of being a mother of two. Do I dare say that it seemed a bit simpler when Ava was only a few weeks and slept most of the time. Now she is 4 months and wants to be held and played with in between her short cat naps and feedings. Well, if it were up to Lila (almost 3), Ava would be in her chair or on her blanket on the floor. Not because Lila doesn’t like her, because she actually loves her a lot, but because I need to have my arms and hands free in order to play pirates (I’m always Captain Hook), go on treasure hunts in a deep dark cave (our dining room), or go surfing (standing on a box lid). To Lila, it’s just no fun when Ava goes with us and I can’t be as animated.

So I’m not sure if it’s even fair to call it a rut. I vowed to be more mindful when I’m with the girls, but I made that vow before Ava. When life was a bit simpler. When it was a time that when Lila napped I had a few hours to myself. Now those few precious alone hours are with Ava. It was a time when I didn’t have to tell Lila “in a minute” for the 5th time that morning. At the end of the day I realize that I’ve played for hours, fed the girls and if I’m lucky, myself, cleaned up mess after mess, and maybe get the chance to straighten up the house (outside of toys) before Tom gets home. Crap, I forget to answer those emails. Shoot, I didn’t get a chance to write on my blog. Darn it, that magazine will have to wait another day. Sorry sore body, we’ll try yoga again tomorrow.

I don’t plan for it to change. I love spending my days with the girls. I know that it will go by too quickly and in 15 years when they’re in high school I will miss these days. But that doesn’t mean that every once in a while I wish I could have Mr. TV babysit for a few hours, heck, how about a day or two and give me a moment of time back.

Kudos to you moms out there who have found your balance and can do it all, or most of it 🙂 You rock. I’ll get there. I will!

Earlier today Lila came and gave me a hug out of the blue. She said “I love you mom. You make me so happy.” Then she told me to get on my surf board. I know I’m doing something right.

 

Balancing Act

As I’m learning to balance a new daily routine that involves my 2 month old I sometimes forget stop and take a breath. To take a breath to  regain my composure after Lila spills something I had already told her to not have on the couch. To take a breath when she tells me “no” when I ask something of her. To take a breath when Ava is still crying after being fed, rocked and changed. And definitely to take a breath when I realize that the house is a disaster and Tom will be home in 20 minutes.

I recently read this little balancing tip that made me stop, and take a breath.

“Remember that even within the chaotic times there is a spiritual balance waiting to be found. We often just forget to look. Look today. Beneath the mounds of dirty clothing, unopened bills, and dishes in the sink, you might find the guardian spirit of your home. See the brilliant soul beneath your four-year old’s red tantruming face. Recognize the presence that fills you, guides you, and never deserts you beneath your rattled state of mind.”
– Mimi Doe, Busy But Balanced

I found that when I do stop to take that breath I realize that the spill can easily be wiped up, it’s not a big deal for Lila to say no (sometimes), Ava just wants to be cuddled and Tom will not think I’m a bad wife if I don’t have the house clean. When I stop to take that breath I feel whatever tension has built up in me just melt away. Now I just have to remember to stop and breathe.

Lila openly and outwardly expresses how she is feeling. Little does she know I am sometimes inwardly feeling those same emotions.

My 2 yr old is Teaching Me About Being Spiritual

On this new path I am on, I am discovering how I want to be spiritual. So far I have realized that I do not need an organized religion to feel spiritual. I have discovered that I do believe in a higher power and to me, that higher power is God and the universe working together. I have also learned there are places where I see them working together to make me feel connected to the earth and connected in the moment. Now I need to work on how to feel connected within. I am a happy person and I am happy within my life. That does not mean I always feel a sense of calm or peace within.

I started out on this journey thinking I would find spirituality and then teach it to my daughters. I did not realize that they would help teach me instead.

One place I find spirituality or feel spiritual is in nature. I have always loved nature and being outdoors. I don’t remember how often I would actually take it in though. Because Lila loves to be outdoors my time spent there is different than if I would do it for myself. Being in nature with Lila makes me look at it through her eyes. While taking a walk I’m not just looking ahead to see where I’m going. I’m looking at the bugs in the grass, the birds in the trees, and the clouds in the sky. I’m not just listening to the thoughts in my head, but I now hear to the birds chirp, the breeze rustle leaves in the trees, the insects talking to each other and other people around us. She is automatically connected with nature in this way. She is curious about it and loves to explore it. Because of this, she connects me with nature in a way I haven’t been since I was a kid. And now I use nature as a way to clear all those thoughts and voices that are telling me what I need to be doing. I go outside and clear my mind and take in the sights and sounds of what the earth has provided for us. I see how God and the universe has worked together to make this happen.

Another place I feel more spiritual is more of a silly one. It is during those times when I allow myself to be in the moment. Lila loves to run in circles. I’m not sure why, but at least once a day we are running in circles. When she requests this I usually try to come up with an excuse not to, or I roll my eyes and do it just to get it over with. But those times that I allow myself to enjoy running in circles I open myself up to the happiness of that moment. I hear her squeals of laughter which then makes me laugh. I throw in some funny moves or noises which then makes her do it too, and again, we both end up laughing. When all is said and done we lay on the floor out of breath and laughing. In those moments I forget that I need to clean the kitchen, that I need to get the car fixed and the other “to-dos” on my list. I am out of breath, laughing, and connected in that moment of happiness.

“Our children’s spiritual natures are reflected by their unbounded creativity, vivid imagination, and joyful, open-ended approach to life…Children are beautiful, open spirits housed in human form.”
– Mimi Doe, Busy But Balanced

So next time you’re with your little ones allow yourself to be in the moment and look through their eyes. You may feel more connected and happy with out even knowing it, which to me, is feeling your inner spirit.

If you don’t have little ones then just allow yourself to be in the moment. Breathe in your surroundings, listen to nature, clear your mind and you may find yourself connected to something higher than yourself.

 

 

Learning to Balance

No, it’s not a circus act although I sometimes feel like it is. I am only 5 weeks in with being a mom of two and I’ve already had a few ups and downs. Surprisingly they are not with the baby, but with my 2 1/2 year old. Lila has become more independent, stubborn, emotional and verbal on all accounts. She has also become more creative, playful, eager to learn and demanding that every minute be focused on these things. This is obviously hard for me because I’m busy rocking, nursing or diaper changing. I do give Lila her time, but it’s hard for me to tell her “in a minute,” or “later” because I’m holding Ava at that moment.

I’m sure all new moms of multiples struggle with balancing their time, energy and patience between all children. This is a new focus for me. For the last 2 1/2 years it’s been just Lila and I. She’s had all of me and now she is learning to share. I am also learning to share myself between the two.

Life has changed from trying to balance my career, social life and marriage to learning how to balance my marriage, homemaker duties, and the biggest challenge, my two girls. Meanwhile trying to gain back a little independence for myself and remember who I am in the midst of all this.

By working on myself within can only help me feel more balanced on the outside stuff. By honoring my own mind, body and spirit I can create a calm that will help me become a more nurturing mother to my two girls and a more caring partner to my husband.

I know I can do this. It’s just a itsy bitsy bump in the road that I just have to adjust to and get back on course. Tomorrow when I have a crying baby and a toddler demanding to play I will take a deep breath, remain calm and see what happens next.

A New Perspective

Today marks the 1 month anniversary of Ava’s birth. This last month has been a roller-coaster of visitors, emotions and balancing our new lifestyle. Last week was the first full week that it was just the girls and I at home. Our visitors had gone and my husband was back at work. There were some moments when I thought, “wow, this is easy. I can handle this.” And other moments where (and I’m embarrassed to admit this) I would ask Lila to watch a show so I could rock or nurse Ava. Some days were definitely better than others.

Over this past weekend while my husband was outside working on some house projects and entertaining Lila, I was inside with Ava. She was having one of those days where she didn’t want to be put down and it was over 90 degrees out so I didn’t want to take her outside. So while they were outside I was inside enjoying some quiet time with just Ava and I. I was reflecting on the past month and how I was adjusting to motherhood with two. While it’s not an easy task and most of time it’s exhausting I realized that there were moments I could have handled better. I also realized that all my spiritual growth in the past 7 months went out the window. That is when I knew I had to get back to my blog. By coming back here I knew I would focus on me (as much as the girls would allow me to) and get back into practicing and growing spiritually. By being able to do this I can grow to be a better mom and wife.

My new perspective on growing spiritually will focus on being more mindful, patient, and attentive. I find myself dismissing Lila because I’m tired, Ava needs me or simply because I don’t want to play make-believe dinosaurs for the millionth time. While I do believe it’s okay that I’m not at her beck and call, I don’t agree with how I was starting to react to her. I started getting short with her, telling her to play by herself, or putting the tv on for her to watch. I’m only a month in to this new journey of being a mother of two and I know I’ll have my up and down moments, but I feel if I work on myself inside and out I will handle the downs with more grace.

As most mothers know, whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, most days your shower is the only time you get to yourself. I am here to encourage you, as mothers, and myself to find at least 15 min a day for ourselves. No housework, no children or husband and no work. Take 15 min to do something you love, or do nothing in a quiet space. I was lucky today. Lila decided to fall asleep during her “quiet time” and Ava is being fairly independent. I ceased the moment by writing this. I can’t think of a better way to start off the first day of August.

I’m Still Here

Hi there – I apologize for have gone missing for the last two months. June had been my month of last minute planning, arranging and preparation for my second little one to arrive. Her due date was July 1st, and she arrived on the 4th of July. In the midst of preparing for baby we had managed to squeeze in some summer fun and of course, house and yard projects. July has been a whirlwind of a month with house guest after house guest and, of course, adjusting to life with a newborn and 2 1/2 yr old. So far, so good.

I must admit that I had a vision of sitting out in the back yard with Ava while Lila ran around and did her own thing outside. Not so much. We are in our 15th straight day of 90 degree or hotter weather. We’ve been cooped up inside trying to figure out how to balance mama holding, feeding and rocking baby while playing fire woman or dinosaurs. It’s been quite the adjustment for big sister Lila. I have to say, she has been doing great. There had only been one day where she asked if I could put Ava back in my belly.

I am certainly glad that I started this spiritual journey before my second child. It has definitely helped me have more patience with both girls and have more awareness of my attitude towards them, especially when I am sleep deprived and in the same pj’s for the third day in a row. I still get tested though and I am eager to jump back where I left off with reading spiritual books, meditating and writing about it.

My journey in whole living has been going well also. My husband and I are going into our 7th month of being vegetarians. We have been more eco-conscious when it’s come to our home and the products we use, and we’ve been eating more organic and sustainable foods. The more we educate ourselves about these topics the easier it is for us to change our lifestyle.

Along the way I’ve also read some great articles and stories regarding whole living, and tried some new vegetarian dishes that I can’t wait to share with you.

 

Instead of Saying “No”

This week we had our last MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting. Our guest speaker was Ann Weimer Baumgardner, author of Pretend You’re Normal. She spoke about different ways to handle life’s situations with your kids. Topics included anything from how to make household chores fun instead of work, making running errands possible and stress free with little ones, and saying no because what your child is asking to do isn’t “normal.”

I enjoyed the discussion about why we say no to our kids. After thinking about it we often do say no because it may be an inconvenience to us or because what our kids are asking isn’t the normal way to do something. A great example she gave was when her daughter was young and asked if she could sleep in her closet. At first Ann said “no, we sleep in our beds.” Then she took a moment to think about it and asked herself “why can’t she sleep in the closet.”

I have always made a conscious effort not to say no all the time when Lila wants to do something or attempts to do something without asking first. Now that we are outdoors a lot more I am learning my limits on what I want to say no to outside.

After a few days of rain our back yard was flooded and a muddy mess. Lila decided to go play in the mud puddles. By the time I saw what she was doing she was covered in mud. My first instinct was to tell her to get out of it and take her in to clean her up. Then I realized she was already covered in mud so what was the harm in letting her play a little while longer. As I sat and watched her I saw her jumping, laughing, and having the time of her life. I almost took that little experience away from her because I didn’t want to have to deal with cleaning all the mud. Now when it rains and there is mud or water puddles she can play in them all she wants. My only rule is that she wears her rain boots.

The other day Lila was in a mood. She was crabby, whiny, and unhappy. It was getting ready to storm outside so I asked if she wanted to go outside and sit on the deck and listen to the thunder. After listening to the thunder for a bit it started to rain. She looked at me out the corner of her eyes and whispered “play in rain mama?” Again, I almost said no because it was almost time to take her up for her bedtime routine and I didn’t want to have to dry her off or give her a bath. But again, those were my issues, not hers. So I said yes and for a 1/2 an hour that kid ran, danced, played and laughed in the rain. The rain not only changed her mood, but by watching her be as happy as she can be my mood was uplifted as well.

These moments may seem small and insignificant, but by allowing her to jump and play in the mud and rain I am allowing her to explore and be herself. She is clearly in her element when she is outdoors.

Mother’s Day Reflection

My 3rd Mother’s Day has come and gone. I’ve always had this image that on Mother’s Day morning my husband and kid(s) will run in my room, wake me up to surprise me with breakfast in bed, balloons and presents. Then I remembered those are the images on TV (and my daughter is only 2, LOL). I’m actually one of those lucky moms that wakes up before my 2-year-old so I can have a moment before the day starts. This was no different yesterday. Tom and I got up and was able to have a moment with each other before the little monkey woke up, which to me is a great way to start my day.

Once she did wake up she came down the stairs and greeted me with a “Happy Birthday Mother’s Day!” and a big hug and that is how my Mother’s Day began. We didn’t have any big plans for the day. My ideal weekend day is hanging out in our backyard and enjoying each other and the hard work we put into our yard. So when asked what I wanted to do it was easy. “Let’s stay home and hang out.” Well, because the weather was a little gloomy and chilly we decided to go to a local park for a walk and a quick stop at the playground, of course. Finally, the sun came out and we were back home to enjoy the beautiful afternoon together.

Throughout the day I watched Lila. She is such an amazing kid. She is smart, funny, and caring like her papa. Strong, independent, and loving like her mama. She radiates happiness which is contagious when you’re around her.

Celebrating motherhood allows me to celebrate all those things I love about being a mom:
– I get to act like a kid again myself
– I always have an excuse for a dance party
– I get to look at the world through the eyes of my daughter
– I get to make her laugh hysterically and when she is done she looks at me and says “again mama”
– She gets to make me laugh hysterically
– Once in a while I will see a facial expression or an attitude that she gets from me which reminds me that a piece of me is in there
– And now I am always looking ahead in life excited for what is to come

When I was 16 my dad passed away. It was then my heart was broken. When I met Tom and married him my heart was healed. Having Lila has made my heart whole and complete. I can’t imagine how my heart will feel once her little sister arrives. Thank you Tom for making me a mom. Thank you Lila for reminding me every day how great life is as a mother.

Words Are Important, Use Them With Care

Principle 4 – 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe

The last chapter, principle 3- Listen to Your Child, was about listening, the act of receiving words. This principle, Words Are Important, Use Them With Care, focuses on the art of sending words.

“Words have the power to make a child feel worthy or wrong, complete or lacking, delighted or dejected. “Yes” and “no,” spoken by her parent, can influence the course of a child’s day, week, life.” – 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe

Not only is it important for us as parents to watch the words we choose to speak to our children with, but also the words we use around them. By understanding more than we know and picking up on our moods and tones, we affect our children more than we realize. Lila used to be sensitive to my tone of voice when I spoke to the dogs. She knew when I was being playful and she also knew when I was disciplining them. My tone and the loudness of my voice would make her cry. Now she understands when I discipline them and she chimes in with me.

My mom is one of those women who have a tone. When she uses that tone you know it’s time to listen, pay attention and do what she says. It’s amazing what she can establish with her “listen to me now” tone of voice. I am learning I have a similar tone. There was a day when I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained and Lila was not listening at them moment. To both of our surprise I used this tone to tell her to stop, be quiet and lay down. Wow, did I regret it. The look on her face broke my heart. I could tell I had broken hers a little too. With tears welling up in her eyes she looked at me and said in the smallest voice, “sorry mama.” It was at that moment I decided to check myself when I am frustrated, take a deep breath and talk to her instead of yell. Sometimes I do have to raise my voice to get my point across but never have I used that tone and volume again.

“Be conscious of your tone of voice, facial expressions and body language when you speak. Pretend with each word you send out you also send waves of harmony and joy. Your energy is sent out with your words-make the energy positive ripples.”
– 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe

Listen To Your Child – Principle 3

I am on the 3rd Principle, Listen To Your Child, from the book 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe.

All of us have children at different ages and stages. My daughter, Lila, turned 2 in January. She is just now starting to be able to verbally communicate her emotions with help from us. Usually I have to read her signs and expressions to really know and understand what she is feeling. This chapter reminded me that I need to take the time to really do that in order to gain Lila’s trust and understanding that I am here for her and will help her through whatever she may be going through.

“How can we as parents be aware of our children’s unique spiritual dimension and create an environment that encourages and supports it?”

“The trick is to be aware and accepting-listen-so that our children feel free to bring their inside feelings, visions, and perspectives out.”

~10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe

Listening is not always about hearing words, but also observing and acknowledging emotions and reactions. Now that Lila is starting to communicate I am learning how she reacts for each emotion. She loves to act so she is able to dramatically act like she is sad, scared or happy. Which I think is great because that shows me that she knows the difference between emotions and when to use them. She doesn’t get frustrated too much, but when she does we work through the situation together and she calms down pretty quickly. I also let her know that I am seeing or understanding her emotion at the moment so she’s knows that I am acknowledging how she feels and that she has my attention.

Sometimes it’s hard in our busy lives to always be actively or mindfully listening. Meaning that we are there in the present with 100% of our attention in that moment. I find myself on the computer, reading or watching tv when Lila will come up to me to get my attention. It’s very easy to say “in a minute”, “I’ll be right there”, or worse, acknowledge her without even looking at her. This is something I’m trying to stop. I know I won’t be able to give her 100% at every moment she wants it, but I can sure try to stop dismissing her.

This chapter also talks about respecting your child’s intuition.

“Children can often feel the energy, moods, and intentions of others.”

“Giving your child permission to trust his intuitive voice validates his internal wisdom and helps him to access this knowledge.”

~10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe

I am very supportive of Lila’s intuition when it comes to her meeting new people, whether it be adults or other children. She is sensitive too others moods and energy. She responds so differently to people that it surprises me sometimes. She’s never to shy to give a little wave or say “hi”, but when it comes to going up to people she very is cautious. I had mentioned in a previous post that she ran up to an elderly lady and gave her a hug. THAT surprised me. Yet there are certain family members that she is very stand-offish with. I find that the people she is cautious with just have to take the time to build their trust with her and eventually she will go to them. I never force her go up to someone or hug someone if she doesn’t want to. I allow her to have the time and space she needs until she is comfortable. This is my way of listening to her needs and showing her I support her.

“Listening validates children and gives them trust in themselves-they feel special and secure in their own uniqueness when they are heard. Listening lets kids know their feelings and ideas are okay, and gives them an opportunity to express their emotions instead of stuffing them away.”

“To honor a child’s feeling is to honor her spirit.”

~10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe